You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
