It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
