i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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