Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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