I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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