so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
