I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
