i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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