Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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