Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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