where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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