Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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