we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
