I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
