We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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