so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There r osticjed everywhere
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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