I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
