so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
