the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize