nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
