he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
