I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
