he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
