So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
