also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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