I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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