i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
