i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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