I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
