So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
