I wish I only lived at night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ttyl tear gas
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Still dying that you shit outside
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
