her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
