i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
