Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
