um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
