I cockslap morals
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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