blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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