I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize