Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
