I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
