I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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