when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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