$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
