This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
