If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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