Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just gargled with NyQuil
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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