i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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