I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
