I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
