Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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