he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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