oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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