ugly people sure do ruin things
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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