She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
