guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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