I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
