At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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