I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
