Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
