i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
