i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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