So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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