so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were trust falling into bushes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize