the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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