apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
