i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
