Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i drank out of a bidet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
