we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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