last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
