I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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