its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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