Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
