so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize