i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
