if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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