we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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