That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
