Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish my penis had a tongue
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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