Old men and throwing up are my life now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
