I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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