i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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