I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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