I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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